Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.
My Uncle named his dogs Rolex And Timex. They are his watch dogs.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
My boss said he was going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch it's going to be me.
Today, my son asked, 'Can I have a bookmark?' I burst into tears—11 years old and he still doesn't know my na…