I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
What did the roof say to the shingle? The first one's on the house.
So far, Humpty Dumpty is having a terrible winter. Which sucks because he had a great fall.
Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!
I like to keep a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me why I don’t have money in my wallet