My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it. So I bought her a candle.
I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
Is the position for wife still available? Yes my dishes are still dirty.
I went to a psychic. I knocked on her front door. She yelled: "Who is it?" So I left.
Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.