I put ketchup in my eyes, now I have heinzeit
Dated a Swiss girl once, broke up with her soon as I got to her home town. There were just too many red flags
I had a hen that could count her own eggs. She’s a mathmachicken
To the person who stole my glasses: I will find you. I have contacts.
“If you were my husband, I’d poison your tea.” .. “If you were my wife, I’d drink it!”